did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
