Kiss
Puke
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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