I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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