he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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