i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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