Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
