I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
