I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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