i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
