I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
