it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
