why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
