Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
