he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
