you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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