can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
