Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
