i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
