I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
