Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
