I didn't shave. On purpose
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
