too bad you live with your parents still
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
