you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
