mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
