absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
