someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
