why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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