Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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