she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
