My nipple is on Facebook.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
