he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
