dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
