Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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