Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
