Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you will always have a special place in my vag
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
