I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
