he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
