I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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