Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
