I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
