ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
