I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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