Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
