I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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