i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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