We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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