I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
