But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
