Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
