Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
