I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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