I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
