went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
