Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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